Starting Over

My reading at 5:00 am this morning also led me to another realization. The need to redefine the purpose and use of this Blog. I orginally wanted to use it as a way for personal reflection, to write my prayers for God and to look back and see how he has answered me so that I may grow in my walk. It was also intended to explore and deepen my faith through these prayers and my own understanding of the scripture I read. I wanted also to be able to share these reflections with friends, family, and strangers who might feel the same and struggle with the same things I do and even give me feedback for growth while sharing their own stories. However, it seems that this has become a place of writing my own devotions for the reader to follow. Not a bad purpose, but not the one God was leading me to. So, here I go, anew and starting fresh. I have deleted the posts that I feel haven't been true to my original calling and am redirecting. Again, please share your thoughts and stories with me. Thanks for being a part of my life anew in God.

God's Promises v. My Doubt

It's 5:00 in the morning. I wake up to my cat trying to knock over a glass left on my nightstand. I am awake. My thoughts cloud my tired mind. My worries about the day begin, repeating over and over. I pick up my prayer guide book, and search for the words to express my doubt and worry. I flip to a prayer reading and devotion about God's promises and am immediately convicted by the Holy Spirit.

Over the last day and a half or so, I have been receiving subtle and not so subtle messages from God regarding His love and promises, and my doubt. At church on Sunday, Pastor Marti was speaking on Prayer, how to pray, and essentially God's love and promises to us. The reading was from Luke, it's exact location escapes me (I'll have to refer back), but the message was that if we, as human beings and sinful in nature, love and care for our children, then surely God who is perfect will take care of us, His children and keep His promises. I am also reading a book by Francis Chan entitled "Crazy Love." Last night I was reading about the certainty of God's love.

Finally, God's message, loud and clear, came across. The devotion spoke of our dependence on God. This was paralled by our need for the sun. As Earth as a planet, and humans individuallu depend on the sun for life and growth, so do we depend on God to sustain us. This triggered the conviction by the Holy Spirit regarding my doubt. I believe that the sun will rise and set each day, and know that it's light and warmth will sustain my life and the life of everything on earth. However, I am not so certain about the fact that God will be with me each moment of my day, available to me, guiding and sustaining me with his ever-present love.

Lord, you are the God of the Universe, all that is and will be created. You knew me before I was formed or thought of. You are available to me always for prayer, comfort, and guidance. You give me life and promise that if I believe in you I will have eternal life and that all things will work out if I only believe in Your promises. Fogive me for my doubt Lord, that I will lean not on my own understanding, but trust in the promises of You and your presence in my life. Amen